Categories: Hazel Rosetta Smith,
Things happen even when we thought we had a plan. I visited a friend in a nursing home; a situation she never thought would be her destiny. I asked how she was feeling and she took her time with a deep breath and replied, “I feel useless.” Those three words changed the ambiance of the visit.
This is what it feels like when you are not in charge. When you cannot say yea or nay, go, or stay, that is the moment of actual reality. When you have been reduced to a room number and a bed with an assigned letter of the alphabet to designate what side of the room is your homestead, that is when you know you are not the one in charge.
Have you ever thought about how it would be if you had no decision-making options? When activities that have been a natural part of your lifestyle are under the supervision of people who have absolutely no clue as to who you are, it is natural to experience a shutdown in spirit and enthusiasm.
Like it or not, you are under absolute occupation and that is especially traumatic to anyone whose mind is willing, though their body is not.
Everyone wants to be acknowledged. It is physically debilitating and mentally destabilizing to think you are not of value, not even to yourself. I understood her sentiment that to feel “useless” implies with deep anguish that what you bring to the plate is without purpose or worth.
What can we do for someone forced to live in an unfamiliar place? Do not let them forget who they are and what they mean to you. A framed picture of an enjoyable time or a special event that you are both pictured
in can be a source of precious memories and conversation. Listen, but do not make promises you cannot keep.
Consider topics to talk about other than health concerns and please do not bring sad news. The best thing you can do is to bring something that is of interest to them and not an item that you are imposing on them.
Kindly remain attentive to what they have to say, rather than voicing your issues. You can show respect for their feelings of isolation or neglect by allowing them to express their experiences in ways that are their truth, without denying that what they are telling you can be real. In many ways, their life has taken an ugly turn, and they need to tell somebody about it. You may be the one.
When you visit, let gladness be where sadness may dwell. And, before you make your exit, show love and appreciation to those who are attending to those in need of long-term care. Whenever possible share with those in charge what you have been told. It is not easy on any level, no matter what side you find yourself. We must strive to let love reign supreme.
[Hazel Rosetta Smith is a journalist, playwright, and director for Help Somebody Theatrical Ministries and retired, former Woman’s Editor and Managing Editor of the New York Beacon News. Contact: misshazel@twc.com]
