Categories: Hazel Rosetta Smith,
It is important to understand all types of abuse, from psychological to physical. Gaslighting is perhaps the one least given thought. Gaslighting can be a form of emotional abuse. It happens when someone – like a partner, parent, friend, or boss – challenges what you know is true and makes you question your beliefs and rational thinking.
Those who perpetuate gaslighting are quick to point their finger in an accusatory manner to get their point across and pass the blame.
Gaslighting happens in doctors’ offices and hospitals, too. Often it takes the form of the doctor not listening to you or not taking your concerns seriously. Women are more likely to feel sensitive and not want to appear as challenging their doctor’s medical abilities, not the case with men. This is called medical gaslighting. It can harm your health by slowing diagnosis and treatment. It can cause doubt in positive results when the patient is uncomfortable with how they are spoken to as they try to assimilate what they are being told.
The term gaslighting was first considered to be a legitimate term and utilized in the 1938 play Gas Light, which was turned into a 1944 movie starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. Boyer plays a scheming husband who tries to convince his wife that she’s lost her mind. As part of his plan to abuse her emotionally and mentally, he dims the gas lights in their house, then tells her that she is imagining the change in lighting.
Like other types of abuse, gaslighting is a way to gain control over someone else, or a situation. For example, a gas lighter might shift the focus of an unpleasant conversation away from themselves by suggesting that the other person is at fault. People may not even realize they’re gaslighting, it is a form of manipulation.
Gas lighters use several techniques to gain power. One method is to deny something they said or did. If you question their version of events, they pretend to forget or accuse you of misremembering. When you attempt to express yourself, they might minimize your feelings by calling you “too sensitive,” “confused,” or “crazy.” Or they might change the story to make it seem like you’re at fault.
After someone has been gaslighting you for a while, you might start to doubt your feelings and memories. You might wonder if you imagined the events in question. You may find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, blaming yourself when things go wrong.
If you think you are being gaslit (rather than having poor communication or a healthy disagreement), try to talk things out with the other person. Communicate your needs and set clear boundaries. Meanwhile, protect your mental health with exercise, meditation, and other relaxation techniques.
[Hazel Rosetta Smith is a journalist, playwright, and artistic director for Help Somebody Theatrical Ministries. Retired, former Women’s Editor and Managing Editor of the New York Beacon News. Contact: misshazel@twc.com and online at www.hazelrosettasmith.com]
